Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Waiting for the Other Shoe

The Detroit Outsider is going to level with you: While our fearless leader was in Iraq, lame-ducking projectile footwear, not a lot happened in the charlie foxtrot between Detroit and Washington, DC. Even the D.O. needs an occasional break from wrestling with Ghidorah.

It’s not that there aren’t a million issues to address. Quite the contrary. The Detroit Outsider is anxious to get as much on the record as possible before the situation plays out, if for no other reason than to set the stage for later claims of “I told you so.” (The D.O. is very popular at social gatherings.) What better way to land the position of Car Czar in the Obama administration?

Because this forum is in its nascent stages, I don’t want to remain silent for too long, and even if the government acts, this topic isn’t over anyway. It’s just beginning. So I’ll tease you with a list of topics you can expect in the future, which will read like the soliloquy Kevin Costner’s character delivers in the movie “Bull Durham,” though not as insipid and nauseous.
  • The Detroit Outsider believes that many American cars are worth saving, but that doesn’t mean all the companies are.
  • The Detroit Outsider believes the government has the power to fix the American auto industry, but it is more likely to accidentally snap its neck like Lenny did to the puppy in “Of Mice and Men.”
  • The Detroit Outsider believes the Detroit 3 CEOs aren’t stupid and that they don’t deserve much of the ire.
  • The Detroit Outsider believes pickup trucks and SUVs were a good idea and hybrids a bad one, from a business perspective.
  • The Detroit Outsider believes the automakers brought almost all of this on themselves.
  • The Detroit Outsider believes America’s approach to controlling fuel consumption would have been foolish even if it had been enforced.
  • The Detroit Outsider believes Oswald acted alone, though he wasn’t aware of it.
We’re just getting started. Also look for:

  • More predicates than you’ll see in a semester of grammar and general logic coursework.
  • “Everything’s Your Fault,” a play in three acts.
  • More third-person references to the D.O., because it still amuses the D.O.

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